Change Is A Very Weird Thing
How the mysterious nature of change can be necessary to thrive
I hate change. I feel like it hates me back. I get upset because it’s making me do stuff I don’t want to do. (my inner child comes out)
I like my simple life. No bumps in the road, just my happy routine. I want to plod along with no disruptions. Yes. Disruption is the word I hate because it causes changes.
It’s a vicious cycle, disruptions mean changes—no more happy routine or plodding along.
Some changes are very disruptive. They can even change the course of your existence. If you’ve been a regular reader, you might remember when I told you I was getting a new landlord, or when my husband was being tested for cancer. Those are what my nervous system considers traffic-stopping disruptions.
This post is a follow-up on those issues, of sorts. It’s also about the mysterious nature of change and why you have to weather it. I hope you find it as enlightening as I did.
I want to start by saying I wasn’t always like this about change. I actually embraced it at one time. However, I’ve had some harsh and painful experiences along the way that have changed my perspective. Two of which are landlords and medical situations.
Landlords are a subjective topic. It’s a matter of tolerance or indifference really. My feelings on the subject are about the peaceable enjoyment of your home. Oh, and affordability. I’m not looking to become a cash cow to the owner with no return. Renting isn’t like I Love Lucy days. It’s scary stuff.
Our previous landlord was decent, fixed things, and never raised the rent. My kinda guy. He was an old comfortable pair of shoes that we had for 5 1/2 years. Then he put the building up for sale. He was listing it at an obscenely high price, few people came to see the building. I had hopes that no one would buy it… but they did.
All during this process, which took almost a year and included the time period my husband was undergoing cancer tests, I was being battered by disruptions of magnitude. I learned a valuable lesson about the mystery of change and how to survive… and even thrive.
My husband’s doctor told us the week before Christmas that he suspected he had cancer. He signed my husband up for a battery of cancer screening tests, urged us to get on this right away, and wished us a Merry Christmas.
The holidays are hard enough for me because both my parents died at that time of the year. I was battling my holiday blues, which never seems to fade despite the years. Then we had this dropped on us like a ten-ton boulder.
In between real estate showings for our landlord, we were scheduling lots of tests, pre-test tests, and other various medical things to get other tests. Some of them got screwed up, so we had to start over again. What should have taken a little over a month took almost 4 months.
Meanwhile, we had real estate agents, city inspectors, and structural engineers for prospective buyers all wanting into our apartment.
Crazytown knew our address and had taken up residence.
In my peak of mental wellness (translate to my younger years, lol) this wouldn’t have phased or bothered me. I was used to the 3-ring circus’, it was my thing. Life has a way of beating sense into you, and now I just want peace and quiet, and my plodding way.
Despite all of this whirlwind of intrusion, confusion, and stress I still stayed relatively calm.
I am not a controlling person by nature. However, you can’t let people run crazy all over your life. The medical people were a 5-day-a-week bunch that never coordinated with each other, just through me. Why? I never got that answer. It was like herding cats most of the time. Then the weekends were filled with apartment issues. There was no respite from the chaos.
Chaos is another word I hate! It’s a relative of disruption and usually shows up shortly after. They like to wreak havoc to get their jollies and make you crazy. I’m not fond of being crazy. That’s when you need control.
Control in this mess came from an unlikely source.
Surrender!
It sounds counter-intuitive but it’s a bit more than you think.
I’ve been focusing on living more mindfully and it helps to get your mind past minor bumps in the road. Like little stressors of every day. But when your head is swimming in too much, it’s time to do something that will really work.
That’s where surrender comes in.
I have a caveat here * I’m a practicing Roman Catholic and this surrender is faith-based *
I still want to share it and it’s up to you
It’s that simple. Also, if you are interested in saying the full prayer, here it is as a printable pdf: Surrender-Novena
I’ve been using this prayer for quite a while, at least 2 years. My version, especially if I’m super stressed is “Jesus, you take it!!!” Don’t forget to breathe too…
With regular practice, along with daily mindfulness, nothing will send you orbiting. This is a testimonial from me.
BTW our new landlord is a landlady. She scared me at first. Very hyper and kept coming back to our apartment… very hyper. I don’t do hyper, I do plodding, lol.
She’s owned the building for a few months. She semi-lives in an apartment on the first floor. I’ve never had this before either.
How I dealt with this was the Surrender prayer along with being mindful when she and I communicated with each other. At first she made me anxious because I didn’t know her, and I saw her as hyper. After she bought the building her hyper diminished. I want to get along with her and so far it’s working.
Last week our refrigerator died. She was hands-on with the issue, measuring, etc, and even offered her refrigerator from her unit which was too big. She ordered a new one and last Sunday (why I didn’t post on Substack last week) I spent the day trying to capture the refrigerator, which they delivered to the wrong address. See why I need the Surrender prayer!?!
My husband does not have cancer, but he does have an issue that has him on a regular screening process because it could become cancer with time. Thankfully he is well now and I’m living each day slowly enjoying him being here.
What I’ve come away with after all the chaos and disruptions have died off is gratitude. I’m grateful for my husband’s health, our home being peaceful, and the empty calendar. This storm of change brought about a fresh start, renewed hope, and dreams. (That’s another post.)
What’s important is finding the calm in your storm. For me, that’s hanging onto Jesus, and if He wants my unwanted stuff He can have it gladly. I feel 100 pounds lighter and He makes them go away or calms the storm. Bless you all and peace be with you.