Take Time To Sit and Visit Each Other's Humanity
How our shared experiences can bridge the gaps
At Christmas time my husband and I got some good news and some very serious news.
The good news was our landlord may not be able to sell our apartment building after all. Fingers crossed!
He came by to deliver our new stove. We got to talking about the sale. I was trying to find out how close it was getting to our new owner.
It was a great sense of relief to learn that there was a glitch in the title and the sale might not happen. I felt a major weight lift immediately.
I’m a strong believer in meeting things head-on. In this instance, it was a good thing.
Some people shy away from being direct.
Being direct has its fine points, especially if it’s done with kindness and gentleness. It dispels any misunderstandings or confusion.
I think many of our problems stem from misunderstandings &/or confusion. We tend to overthink situations and rely on our own experiences to fill in the blanks. This is how trouble starts.
Because I know my landlord is an honest and decent guy, I felt comfortable talking about what was on my mind. He shared his side of the issue. We did a lot of laughing and cleared the air on the underlying confusion caused by people in the middle.
I took time to meet him in his humanity
I am happy and relieved that I took a direct approach. It made what came after easier to bear.
The week before Christmas my husband and I met with his doctor. He had been tested for some blood issues and the test results we in.
What we thought would be a fast, easy trip became a traumatic shock.
The doctor found some serious issues with his blood and he wanted my husband to have a series of cancer screening tests.
I remember feeling numb and all kinds of terrible thoughts started to flood my head.
I’ve lost close family members to cancer, and lots of friends too. This news started a chain reaction of memories.
We left the office in a state of shock that overtook the once-joyful holiday season.
My husband is a man of few words. He keeps his thoughts to himself.
Over the holidays we tried to put the medical issue aside. Then we were faced with dealing with it.
He slowly started taking the tests. The list was long and slow to move through.
We get notifications through the patient portal of available results. The first one I just ignored.
Then he had the PET Scan last week. It took hours and that evening we got a notice that the results were done. It had only been a few hours!
I sat with this information quietly. I didn’t ask him yet. I did ask myself “Do you really want to know?”… no.
A few hours later I asked him if he wanted me to look. He said no immediately.
The next day, he blurted out, “I think it’s horrible that they send you these things. Why do they have to do that!”
We agreed to just wait until we see the doctor again to get the full results. We intended to live our lives up until then.
Since we started this personal horror show, we’ve sat with each other’s humanity
We’ve spent more time with each other, just being. Silence is just as good as talking.
Sometimes we talk about this, but mostly we just share the joy of quiet and peaceful days. Enjoying the monotony of our lives. Our 20th anniversary is coming up.
I pray about this, cry, and ask God to let us grow old together as we’d planned.
On the day of the PET Scan, we went to the cancer center. We’ve been there before. It’s where his doctor is.
The test took almost 3 hours. I had to wait in the lobby. It was the most time I’d spent in the building.
It was also the first time I realized that no one spoke really. The building was silent.
The people coming and going wore worried faces.
I observed the staff, all of them kind beyond words. I thought about how hard it must be every day to do that job.
I went outside to smoke. I admit I felt weird smoking there. I never feel that way anywhere else.
As people came near me, I’d smile and say hello. They’d say hello too, but softly.
I found myself praying for all these souls. I thought about what this building was, the people working there, and the people needing to be there. It hit me to the core.
Oddly, I felt totally calm through all the waiting.
My husband was almost finished so I went out to look for our ride. Of course, I lit another cigarette and waited. Along came a woman, she commented on the weather. We became engaged in a lovely conversation. I was happy to have the distraction and I commented on it. Then she told me
I’ve just been told I have cancer. It’s a blessing to have you to talk to. I felt so badly until we met. Now I feel like God put you here for me.
I almost cried. She was alone.
Just then, my husband came out and I introduced them. He looked puzzled but also exhausted, so she said goodbye and left. My husband asked, “How do you know her?” I told him we just met. He shook his head because he wasn’t surprised.
The day after I post this my husband is going to have a bone marrow biopsy. I’m not looking forward to this. I doubt my husband is either.
On Shrove/Fat Tuesday we’re getting the results.
I’m sharing all this with you for many reasons. Mostly to show how everyday life can bring time to sit with another person’s humanity.
We interact with people all the time. Some we know and love, and others are complete strangers.
We have opportunities to be human all the time. To bridge gaps, to show caring and kindness. There are countless ways to share your humanity.
I’ve come away from this medical situation with greater compassion for the people who struggle and serve in the cancer community. Yes, I pray that we aren’t one of them. If we are, then I hope to bring whatever I can into the situation to share my light.
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Oh man! What hard stuff to go through!! My heart is with you and your husband. May your days be filled with grace and beauty and love , even with these challenges. ❤️ Thanks for sharing.