Why Do People Think It's Okay To Be Nasty To Each Other?

When did this kind of behavior become totally acceptable?

Social media today is like the ocean’s depths. You’re either chum or the great white shark. How is the word social still associated with this activity?

It’s not just social media. It’s in everyday experiences. You can’t seem to escape the trawling nasty person looking to bite someone.

I’m writing about this topic because there’s more to this issue. It’s becoming endemic. It’s not only in the United States, it’s spreading worldwide.

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What got me thinking about this was something that happened to me two weeks ago.

I’ve belonged to a private Facebook group for many years. I’ve posted stuff and commented on it without incident. Two weeks ago, I commented on something that I was passionate about. My comment was bland, and neutral, but expressed my feelings about it.

Suddenly I was attacked. It was two women who seemed to be playing tag team. At first, I was surprised, then I got angry. Very angry. My pulse was quickening. My hands began to shake.

I put my phone down and questioned my emotions. I calmed myself. Reread my comment trying to see what triggered this. Was I wrong? Did I cause this?

The answer was no. I made the decision not to engage with these women. I’ll admit I had unkinder words in my mind replacing women. (it wasn’t the B-word)

They attempted to taunt me. It got nastier as they persisted. I ignored them. For days they were discussing this with each other. I don’t get it.

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My husband works as a security guard in a hotel. We live in a tourist town that gets people from all over the world. Summer is crazy town and it seems the people all came with their crazy.

Anyone who does (or has done) front-facing work knows that this kind of work is a challenge. It’s getting more challenging every day.

It used to be that people who did these jobs were treated with courtesy. I grew up watching this and was raised to do this. Service workers are not your servants or slaves! They’re hard-working people who deserve respect and be treated with decency.

During Pre-Covid we lived in the “entitled” phase where customers thought they were royalty. Their demanding behavior and temper tantrums were the beginning of this erosion of civility, I think.

I worked as a front desk clerk at a hotel before, during, and after Covid. I can attest to the changes I witnessed. During Covid, guests were polite, patient, and cooperative.

Post-Covid was a whole different matter. Somewhere in the transition, people morphed into this.

There aren’t words to describe the behavior, so I’ll share a few real examples.

As I said, my husband is a security guard. He’s usually the first person to meet the guests. Every encounter is like Russian roulette. He’s worked at this hotel for many years. He’s a very kind and patient person. (he’s the better part of the two of us)

When he comes home I always ask how his day was. Lately, it’s been horror stories.

He’s witnessed and experienced violent open verbal discrimination, accusations of criminal behavior (unfounded), verbal assaults, attempted physical assaults, and threats to employment, just to name a few.

When I was working as a front desk clerk, we had guests threaten to stab staff and set fire to the office.

These are daily occurrences now. I’m sure readers who work in front-facing jobs can share their versions of this behavior.

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I read lots of news from around the world. I read scientific studies and journals as well. I read a lot!

Around the world, there are sudden violent outbursts, some with weapons. People are agitated. There’s a lot to be agitated about. It doesn’t justify extreme violence.

Our planet had been assaulted by human existence, or shall I say, pillage and abuse. It’s justified in assaulting us back. It’s working on it…

I recently read a study about how excessive heat literally cooks human brains.

Is this the reason people are like this?

I’m not so sure.

It seems that this behavior is evolutional. Human behavior has degenerated in the last decade. It’s as if all inhibition is gone. It’s not selective, and it knows no boundaries. People have a permanent chip on their shoulders and are looking for a fight.

Alright, how do we navigate this situation?

My situation with the Facebook ladies is a wonderful example.

I was shocked, then mad, then very mad. My body went into fight or flight. I was intent to fight. This is hardwired into each person.

I do think that Covid set this off. Our sudden mortality experience triggered a survival instinct. Beyond that, shouldn’t we have stopped?

Not with constant agitation from media, politicians, and other pot stirrers.

Add some heat, alright a way lot of heat. You get explosions.

Anger yes, but how about wild delusions? People are losing touch with reality, daily.

How do we navigate this?

Carefully… I needed to disengage. I was in a safe environment and could do this. I will tell you firsthand, that when someone is in your face doing this it’s harder.

If you can stay calm, or calm yourself, you can try and talk the person down. I did this when a young man was stalking me in the grocery store and cornered me. I was still prepared to defend myself and was actually thinking about that as I tried to get him to stop.

I have no sure answers for you. Each of us lives in different environments. We should take time to think about how we would deal with this when it happens.

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This story doesn’t have a simple answer. This is an open-ended question we will all have to face. That “what if” situation.

This is when my faith in God comes into play.

Before Covid, I was mugged for a transit ticket. I’d come from work and was waiting for the jitney. This guy came up to me and snatched the ticket from my hand. I reacted immediately. I saw my arm shoot out and grab his jacket, twisted it, and pulled him to me. I grabbed his hand and proceeded to take his fingers to bend them back to his forearm… and I stopped myself.

Why?

Many reasons.

One, the ticket was only $.75.

Two, I realized that if I did this I was just like the mugger. A violent person.

Three, I was under the shadow of my church… I’m held to a higher calling… peace.

Violence does not help this situation. It adds fuel to the fire. Whether it’s verbal or physical violence, we perpetuate this cycle.

Please seek peace over violence. Disengage and don’t perpetuate. Be the Change you want to see in the World.

I want to end this will a humourous (slightly snarky) meme. Bless you all and stay safe.